Conversation I had at work

INT. OFFICE - Thursday at Three PM

COWORKER
I could use a drink, is it too early to drink?

ME
I don't think so, I've been drinking since nine.

COWORKER
Really? You're holding up well.

ME
(delivered w/ a grumbling hickup/fart sound)
High functioning alcoholic.

Then I stormed off like I needed to be somewhere. You had to be there, it was hilarious. The next day representatives from Human Resources lingered around my desk smelling my coffee cup. I'm flattered they took such an interest. If I wasn't so drunk I would have complimented them on their professionalism.