Where The Wild Things Are

I recently went to see Where the Wild Things Are.

First off, I wasn't really into this book. Second off, what the fuck. The book left me, a kid with a lot of time on his hands, with a lot of questions -

1) Did parents REALLY send kids to bed without dinner?
2) How did he live on the boat for a year?
3) Where the hell was this island?
4) Why was he so okay with the monsters?
5) Had Max seen ANY Godzilla movies? Because if he had, he'd have known that an island full of monsters is bad news. It's an island of god damned monsters.

The movie, like the book, was beautiful. The design of everything, the burned out forest, the monsters fort, the amber colored sand dunes - gorgeous. The Wild Things were especially well done. The way they moved and interacted with their world was fantastic.

But other than that, the movie was...cold. I mean the voice acting was good. The regular acting was good. But, yeah...

The movie wasn't made for kids. It was made for adults who read the book when they were kids.

Spike Jones did a great job capturing the isolation and loneliness that kids go through - in that phase where they just don't get along with the rest of the world.

But he forgot the fun. If you're going to escape into a fantastic world, even if it's in your imagination, it should be fun. I want clues into where this island was, how the monsters got there etc.

Any kid who played with action figures knows you have to reconcile certain things - like why the Star Wars figure is with the GI Joe figure, why the ships/vehicles are of different scale, and where that Barbi came from when you're an only child and don't have any sisters.

But instead of fun, the movie was all mopey, whiny, bullshit.

Everybody (except me) Dies

Like anyone in a tedious and mundane job, I spend most of my day daydreaming about death. Sometimes it's my death, sometimes it's someone else. It helps pass the time. Like anyone, I want to be remembered after I'm dead, I want to live forever in the pop culture lexicon - like Mr. Henne, the Balloon Dad, Jon & Kate and even Octomom. But unlike those go-getters, I plan to be remembered for my apathy and for having a really great funeral. I'm talking balloons, fireworks, maybe the cast of Mystere.

Before I get too carried away, let me be clear, I am never going to die. Like Hugh Heffner, Woodie Allen and Phoebe Cates. But if I were to die, which I'm not, it would be a good idea to have a plan. [NOTE: I can't plan my life for shit, but that's not the point.]

So, here is a list of people who I demand speak positively about me after my death (my hypothetical death, because I'm never going to die).

In no particular order...

(1) Frodo Baggins - Frodo is a good choice, if I do say so myself. I like his moxie. He's hip. He's happening.

(2) Bilbo Baggins - You can't have one Baggins without the other. I expect Bilbo to regale the crowd with tales of our journey through the Misty Mountains and how we fought dragon Smaug.

(3) Jay Z - I mean, really, why not? I think he would say nice things. He can even do songs off his less popular Blue Print album. Nas is a good substitute should Jay Z be unavailable.

(4) The Tree that was in my yard for the 6 months I lived in Denver - Trees are nice. They are good for climbing and building tree houses in and for being awesome.

(5) Stephen Fry - Everything seems nicer when Stephen Fry is talking about it. Besides, STEPHEN FRY!

(6) Alternate Universe Me - Fringe style me (who will probably have a sweet facial scar) to come and talk about me. Who knows me better than me, right? Right!

There is no reason why this can't work, why all these people can't come together to talk about my awesomeness and mourn my passing. I also don't see any problems with (a) I don't know these people, (b) not all of them are people, and (c) some of them are fiction. This is America. Make it happen.