Monday, March 26, 2007

Weezer

Weezer? Let's try Wheezer. Seriously, those guys are old.

I should point out that not a lot of people have the nads to go after Weezer like I just did. But then when you're surrounded by an awesome force field of awesomeness like I am you're pretty much indestructible, even when you're going toe-to-toe with the guys from Weezer and their hipster eyewear.

This blog entry sucks. There. I said it. Suck on it.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Captain America: Dead, no longer fighting Hitler

Captain America: Dead, no longer fighting Hitler. This is news. I have no idea how we'll break it to the children. I just hope we can come together as a society, grieve and commiserate on the good times we all had with Cap before discovering the appeal of the bosom. We'll share heartwarming stories and drink Budweiser (the beer of true Americans) and get into fist fights over the size of his shield and then, hopefully, move on with our lives.

Viaducts

Living on the outskirts of Seattle you tend to hear a lot about what Seatleites, wearing their most fancy horn rimmed glasses and leather jackets, think about the issues - of which there are many. Now keep in mind that Seattle is, to the suburbanites, an impenitrable fortress that only the bravest of men dare to enter. And those men will probably be stabbed, leaving their wives and children alone in the cold, dark world in which we live. Or they'll die of old age in the eternal traffic jam (caused by a fender bender in 1932) on one of the two floating bridges. That's right, floating bridges.

Anywhoo - the current issue (other than the weather) is something called the "viaduct", which is a word that is very fun to say and even more fun to type. Using my above average deductive reasoning skills, I have been able to asertaine that this "viaduct" is some sort of two story road/bridge/thingy that the Seattle hepcats use whenever they need to get somewhere in a hurry, and it's in dire need of repair. Apparently Seatleites take their lives in their hands every time they drive on it and it could come crashing down any second now.

Now, some people want to rebuild the whole thing, while others think it should be burried undeground (at a crazy price to the taxpayers, if the news is to be believed - the cost of the war in Iraq would only cover the planning stage) and renamed the "tunnel".

I, apparently, fall into the latter category. But I don't think they're going far enough. I think they should bury the whole city underground, like that Isaac Asimov story about the underground town with the robots and the guys with filters in their nostrils. As anyone who's been to Seattle or seen an episode of Fraiser, will tell you - Seattle isn't very pretty. Seattle is the fat broad left behind at the bar...if the fat broad was a town...and the bar was the United States.

Anne Coulter

Words I use to describe Anne Coulter, guaranteed to bring any conversation about Anne Coulter to a screeching halt:

(1) Classy!

Coffee shop

While at the coffee shop reading my book with all the other suburbanite hepcats, I took a quick mental inventory and realized that I had, on my person, close to one thousand dollars worth of electronics (iPod, ridiculously priced headphones, moderately priced digital camera that doubles as a completely horrible telephone) and about thirty dollars worth of clothes procured from Old Navy Online.

I'm really all about priorities.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Things that I go out of my way to drive past while commuting to work in the morning

Things that I go out of my way to drive past while commuting to work in the morning:

(1) People Smoking in Minivans
(2) People Smoking Pot in Minivans
(3) Human Heads (severed)
(4) My hopes and dreams
(5) Human Heads (non-severed)
(6) Human Heads (not quite severed, but pretty much there)
(7) Ho's
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