My New iPod Makes Me a Better Person
My new iPod is the greatest invention since the original iPod. The iPod has, historically, come in third on my list of the worlds greatest inventions that have ever been invented. The first being the wheel, the second being the George Foreman Grill (the fat drips away!).
While the early adaptors were figuring out how to make their iPhones work I was sitting in my office, satisfied with my 2G iPod and falling more and more in love with it every day. I feel safe saying that I'd marry the iPod if it was culturally acceptable, a feeling that I'm pretty sure is reciprocated by my iPod. It's always there for me, ready to satisfy any of my aural desires.
It's impossible not to have noticed that Apple has released a slew of new iPods. Therein lies the delema. Which one should I buy? I had to take a long look in the mirror to find the model that spoke to me on an artistic, aesthetic, poetic and scientific level. My local Apple retailer had all of the new iPods on display and I molested, fondled and drooled on all of them. Since I had a gift certificate, I knew that I'd have to make a decision sooner or later.
The iPod Nano/mini/whatever-they're-calling-it-now. Delicious. Too small though, can't put my entire living room on it and I don't want to agonize over which songs in my library I want to load onto it. Invariably, the song/album/artist I want to listen to would be on my home computer and not on my iPod. It's about as thick as three credit cards stacked one each other. It's got video now, which is pretty fancy. The iPod Nano/mini/whatever-they're-calling-it-now also has the benefit of having a slick new ad campaign featuring a catchy tune by Feist (you can buy her record at Starbucks!). After spending some considerable time with it, I realized that it probably does not come preloaded with that music video or the singer's phone number.
The iPod Touch - this is not the iPhone. Fun to play with but after a quick cost vs. awesomeness calculation, it just wasn't feasible. I mean, sure, you can maneuver by touching the screen and blah blah blah. Sixteen giggers of memory maximum? No thank you. It's sexy as all get out, sure, but if they'd marketed it as more of a hand held planner thing that also plays music, instead of as an iPod that's almost an iPhone I probably would have bought it. There is something to be said about an mp3 player has Internet access and that can look up porn.
Ultimately the one that tickled my nerd-prostate the most was the 160 gigger iPod Classic (aka regular iPod) in silver (RIP white). I'm assuming that they named it the "classic" in reference to it's refined nature and not because it's style is on the verge of becoming outdated. It plays video. It holds photos. All things that previous incarnations have done, but this one does it using "cover flow". "Cover flow" is the application that turns iTunes into a virtual jukebox. It's only neat in the "hey, look at what my iPod can do" sort of way. It's about the size of my old 2G 20 gigger, perhaps a tad thinner, but is 140 gigs more awesome. Also, when you're looking at the menus, the covers float listlessly on the right side of the screen. This is a feature that calms my nerves and soothes my soul. Pointless, but soothing. And my lord, the storage capacity. 160 gigs! One could, theoretically, hold one billionth of the worlds pornography in their pocket with that device. Which is to say, that's an aweful lot of pornography.
Using my vast knowledge of science and statistics, I have deduced that I'm a 9% better person now than I was before I purchased my iPod Classic. And, most importantly, my iPod is better than your iPod...at least until the next one comes out.
While the early adaptors were figuring out how to make their iPhones work I was sitting in my office, satisfied with my 2G iPod and falling more and more in love with it every day. I feel safe saying that I'd marry the iPod if it was culturally acceptable, a feeling that I'm pretty sure is reciprocated by my iPod. It's always there for me, ready to satisfy any of my aural desires.
It's impossible not to have noticed that Apple has released a slew of new iPods. Therein lies the delema. Which one should I buy? I had to take a long look in the mirror to find the model that spoke to me on an artistic, aesthetic, poetic and scientific level. My local Apple retailer had all of the new iPods on display and I molested, fondled and drooled on all of them. Since I had a gift certificate, I knew that I'd have to make a decision sooner or later.
The iPod Nano/mini/whatever-they're-calling-it-now. Delicious. Too small though, can't put my entire living room on it and I don't want to agonize over which songs in my library I want to load onto it. Invariably, the song/album/artist I want to listen to would be on my home computer and not on my iPod. It's about as thick as three credit cards stacked one each other. It's got video now, which is pretty fancy. The iPod Nano/mini/whatever-they're-calling-it-now also has the benefit of having a slick new ad campaign featuring a catchy tune by Feist (you can buy her record at Starbucks!). After spending some considerable time with it, I realized that it probably does not come preloaded with that music video or the singer's phone number.
The iPod Touch - this is not the iPhone. Fun to play with but after a quick cost vs. awesomeness calculation, it just wasn't feasible. I mean, sure, you can maneuver by touching the screen and blah blah blah. Sixteen giggers of memory maximum? No thank you. It's sexy as all get out, sure, but if they'd marketed it as more of a hand held planner thing that also plays music, instead of as an iPod that's almost an iPhone I probably would have bought it. There is something to be said about an mp3 player has Internet access and that can look up porn.
Ultimately the one that tickled my nerd-prostate the most was the 160 gigger iPod Classic (aka regular iPod) in silver (RIP white). I'm assuming that they named it the "classic" in reference to it's refined nature and not because it's style is on the verge of becoming outdated. It plays video. It holds photos. All things that previous incarnations have done, but this one does it using "cover flow". "Cover flow" is the application that turns iTunes into a virtual jukebox. It's only neat in the "hey, look at what my iPod can do" sort of way. It's about the size of my old 2G 20 gigger, perhaps a tad thinner, but is 140 gigs more awesome. Also, when you're looking at the menus, the covers float listlessly on the right side of the screen. This is a feature that calms my nerves and soothes my soul. Pointless, but soothing. And my lord, the storage capacity. 160 gigs! One could, theoretically, hold one billionth of the worlds pornography in their pocket with that device. Which is to say, that's an aweful lot of pornography.
Using my vast knowledge of science and statistics, I have deduced that I'm a 9% better person now than I was before I purchased my iPod Classic. And, most importantly, my iPod is better than your iPod...at least until the next one comes out.
posted by A. Jonathan Cox at 9:33 AM
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