An A. Jonathan Cox Guide to Making Horror Movies (Steps 1-3)
So, you’re a medium-shot producer trying to make it to big-shot status. Good for you kid, I admire your ambition. Alas, to make that leap you need to make some changes in your movie-making career. Have you thought about a horror film? Or better yet, RE-making a horror film?
[Note: In the movie biz they're called "films." That's what separates you from the mongol hordes who call them "movies."]
Kick ass. Lets go!
Step One – Where to start? or "Source Material"
Try to find an original horror script that'll be scary enough to attract teenagers into the theater. Keep in mind that you don't want to find one that's not too scary or weird as to have your movie listed in their manifesto after they go on a shooting rampage (I'm looking in your direction Natural Born Killers). What you want is something that's going to get a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 rating is the MPAA g-spot.
Now, the goal with the script is to spend as little money as possible for it. Odds are you won’t be able to find an original one that you can afford, so let’s find a horror script for a movie that's already been made – preferably one your company already owns the rights to - (i.e. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Amityville Horror, The Omen, The Omen 2, House of Wax etc…)
Step Two – Rewrite (aka the LEAST important step)
Now that you have the script – it’s going to need to be updated, it turns out jokes about "Tab" and references to "cassette tapes" don't have much of a shelf life. Anyways, this kind of heavy lifting requires a writer.
I suggest finding a third tier screenwriter, preferably someone whose television show has just been cancelled and is now working as a temp or at Bob’s Big Boy. I believe that most of the writing staff on NBC’s recently cancelled “Windfall” work the night shift – so try there. Oh, you’ve never heard of the show “Windfall”? Don’t feel bad, neither has the rest of America.
Instruct the writer to make a few changes, such as: the heroine must somehow end up in a wet t-shirt, bikini and/or head-to-toe leather. She must also survive whatever calamity occurs in the movie, that way we can have a sequel. Oh, and the villian must survive, or a relative of the villian, or the villians clone, spore, cell gangila etc...
The actual “writing” period shouldn’t take more than an hour.
Step Three – Casting
This is possibly the most important step in the process. Remember, you have to cast male actors that appeal to teenage girls, and female actors that appeal to middle aged men. Be warned: this can be tricky and could seriously blow your budget straight to hell.
A good place start would be Ryan Reynolds, he'll be in anything that lets him take his shirt off. You could also try any actor from the show One Tree Hill, they've all got car leases to pay for.
If your budget allows for it you could try Mila Jovovich or Kate Beckinsale, both have a built-in male audience. If you don’t have that kind of money to spend - try the actress who played the T1000 in Terminator 3, I don't know her name, but she’ll be in anything – kick ass!
If your script calls for a tough female sidekick who dies at the end of the second act, it might be worth calling Michelle Rodriguez. She’s made a career out of playing “Vasquez” from Aliens in every movie she’s in. And on top of all that - she's classy!
You probably also need a big scary villain, so hire a professional wrestler or something, I don't know. If you've played your cards right there'll be too much cheesecake on the screen for anyone to care. Dress some PA's in masks and have them run around.
To Be Continued...
[Note: In the movie biz they're called "films." That's what separates you from the mongol hordes who call them "movies."]
Kick ass. Lets go!
Step One – Where to start? or "Source Material"
Try to find an original horror script that'll be scary enough to attract teenagers into the theater. Keep in mind that you don't want to find one that's not too scary or weird as to have your movie listed in their manifesto after they go on a shooting rampage (I'm looking in your direction Natural Born Killers). What you want is something that's going to get a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 rating is the MPAA g-spot.
Now, the goal with the script is to spend as little money as possible for it. Odds are you won’t be able to find an original one that you can afford, so let’s find a horror script for a movie that's already been made – preferably one your company already owns the rights to - (i.e. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog, The Hills Have Eyes, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Amityville Horror, The Omen, The Omen 2, House of Wax etc…)
Step Two – Rewrite (aka the LEAST important step)
Now that you have the script – it’s going to need to be updated, it turns out jokes about "Tab" and references to "cassette tapes" don't have much of a shelf life. Anyways, this kind of heavy lifting requires a writer.
I suggest finding a third tier screenwriter, preferably someone whose television show has just been cancelled and is now working as a temp or at Bob’s Big Boy. I believe that most of the writing staff on NBC’s recently cancelled “Windfall” work the night shift – so try there. Oh, you’ve never heard of the show “Windfall”? Don’t feel bad, neither has the rest of America.
Instruct the writer to make a few changes, such as: the heroine must somehow end up in a wet t-shirt, bikini and/or head-to-toe leather. She must also survive whatever calamity occurs in the movie, that way we can have a sequel. Oh, and the villian must survive, or a relative of the villian, or the villians clone, spore, cell gangila etc...
The actual “writing” period shouldn’t take more than an hour.
Step Three – Casting
This is possibly the most important step in the process. Remember, you have to cast male actors that appeal to teenage girls, and female actors that appeal to middle aged men. Be warned: this can be tricky and could seriously blow your budget straight to hell.
A good place start would be Ryan Reynolds, he'll be in anything that lets him take his shirt off. You could also try any actor from the show One Tree Hill, they've all got car leases to pay for.
If your budget allows for it you could try Mila Jovovich or Kate Beckinsale, both have a built-in male audience. If you don’t have that kind of money to spend - try the actress who played the T1000 in Terminator 3, I don't know her name, but she’ll be in anything – kick ass!
If your script calls for a tough female sidekick who dies at the end of the second act, it might be worth calling Michelle Rodriguez. She’s made a career out of playing “Vasquez” from Aliens in every movie she’s in. And on top of all that - she's classy!
You probably also need a big scary villain, so hire a professional wrestler or something, I don't know. If you've played your cards right there'll be too much cheesecake on the screen for anyone to care. Dress some PA's in masks and have them run around.
To Be Continued...
posted by A. Jonathan Cox at 1:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home