An A. Jonathan Cox Guide to Making a Horror Movie (Steps 8-10)
Step Eight – Editing
We can also skip this part. By now, you’re just returning from your vacation with a duffle bag of amphetamines and a rockin' case of the Clap. So, off to the doctor with you, sir!
Step Nine – The Opening Weekend
As a horror movie remake, you’re going to do gangbusters the first weekend. On principle alone your movie will come in at first or second place at the box office. Who knew that remaking “I Spit On Your Grave” without anything in common with the original other than the title would be a good idea? You did baby, you did.
You can expect that superiors will praise you for doing a bang up job and take you out to expensive lunches. Get an appitizer! Have a drink! It's on their dime!
Step Ten – Damage Control (aka DVD Sales/Overseas)
There will be a steep, steep drop off after the first week. Your movie will probably be bumped off by the next computer animated childrens movie. This is to be expected.
Your superiors will grow suspicious of you and will no longer cc you on emails to each other. But that’s OK, you have a plan – release the movie overseas and on DVD posthaste!
Horror movies clean up on the DVD sales front. It turns out that the people who were too embarrassed to see it in the theater, or people who don't like to see movies alone will be the first to add it to the top of their Netflix queue.
Let's not forget that our movie is all action, little nudity and virtually without dialogue. This means it'll translate well for the overseas markets (see Die Hard, Armagedon, Texas Chainsaw Masacre etc...)
Congratulations!
You’ve successfully remade a horror movie – good for you kid! I knew you could do it! All you have to do now is sit back, put your feet up on your desk and wait for the money to roll in. I keep my money in big sacks with "$" on them because that's what Robert Evans does, I'm pretty sure.
We can also skip this part. By now, you’re just returning from your vacation with a duffle bag of amphetamines and a rockin' case of the Clap. So, off to the doctor with you, sir!
Step Nine – The Opening Weekend
As a horror movie remake, you’re going to do gangbusters the first weekend. On principle alone your movie will come in at first or second place at the box office. Who knew that remaking “I Spit On Your Grave” without anything in common with the original other than the title would be a good idea? You did baby, you did.
You can expect that superiors will praise you for doing a bang up job and take you out to expensive lunches. Get an appitizer! Have a drink! It's on their dime!
Step Ten – Damage Control (aka DVD Sales/Overseas)
There will be a steep, steep drop off after the first week. Your movie will probably be bumped off by the next computer animated childrens movie. This is to be expected.
Your superiors will grow suspicious of you and will no longer cc you on emails to each other. But that’s OK, you have a plan – release the movie overseas and on DVD posthaste!
Horror movies clean up on the DVD sales front. It turns out that the people who were too embarrassed to see it in the theater, or people who don't like to see movies alone will be the first to add it to the top of their Netflix queue.
Let's not forget that our movie is all action, little nudity and virtually without dialogue. This means it'll translate well for the overseas markets (see Die Hard, Armagedon, Texas Chainsaw Masacre etc...)
Congratulations!
You’ve successfully remade a horror movie – good for you kid! I knew you could do it! All you have to do now is sit back, put your feet up on your desk and wait for the money to roll in. I keep my money in big sacks with "$" on them because that's what Robert Evans does, I'm pretty sure.
posted by A. Jonathan Cox at 9:08 AM
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