My Awesomeness has been challenged...

Something tells me that if the Tony's were as interesting as this that more people will watch. But something else tells me that will never happen. And a third thing tells me that I am super awesome, which is true, I am super awesome. It should be noted that my awesomeness is challenged by this gentleman, Mark Rylance. [Edit: I'd like to point out about 17 seconds in, Howard Stern's movie wife totally grabs his ass. Nice work Mark Rylance, nice work indeed.]

Phil Collins...

Sometimes I don't think that anyone else understands the genius of Phil Collins' "...Hit's" album in quite the same way that I do.

Root Beer Floats Follow Up Post

I should also like to recommend "Cutties" from Trader Joes. They're made with genuine Toffuti, which, if the packaging is to be believed, a dairy treat mined from cattle in South America. Actually none of that is true, but they are tasty ice cream sandwich-esque tasting ice cream sandwiches.

If You're in Oregon

If you're in the Oregon area, please keep an eye out for my phone. I've lost it. It's small, black, flippy style and made by Samsung. There's lots of pictures of my cat on it, he's gray and looks pissed off all the time. You'll know it when you see it. I'm pretty sure that the phone is somewhere in the vicinity of Portland.

Also, if you're the person who got a hold of it and thought it would be funny to send text messages to my wife, I hope that you are either dead or on your way to being dead. Since you're the type of person who sends text messages to strangers, I'm assuming that the latter is the case. And I hope that you don't just die, but die a horrible death with venereal disease, thumbtacks, and that you receive routine punches to the face and/or sternum.

Work Conversation

Working in customer service means that there is a revolving door of employees. They come and they go with the tide or the phases of the moon. (Edit: These may be the same thing, I've got the boys in the lab working on sorting that out.)

The company I work for recently hired several new employees. One of them hung up some vacation photos of a fishing trip she took with her kid. One of my coworkers used this as an opportunity to engage in some "get to know you" conversation. "Get to know you," conversations are awesome because run the dangerous risk of becoming awkward. It's like russian roulette with words, where seemingly casual questions can be answered with things like "I've got cancer," or "he's dead now," or "we're divorced."

"Is that your daughter?" asked my coworker pointing at a photo of a ten year old girl holding a fish. The photo was clearly taken at the end of a long, sun drenched day.

"Yeah, we went fishing with my uncle," said the new lady.

"Boy, she's really got a tan," he said casually

"She's half african american," said the new lady.

Slight pause.

"You look like you got some sun too," he said.

That "crashing" noise was me falling off my chair in laughter and peeing my pants a little.

The problem with Star Wars

The problem with Star Wars is that you reach a certain age where the movies just don't make sense. For example I present the following line that is repeated throughout the series:

"Search your feelings Luke/Anakin..."

What the fuck does that even mean? It's gibberish... How does one search their feelings? If one could search their feelings, what would they find out? If they're feeling mad and then "search their feelings" they'd find out that they are still mad? What kind of pseudo zen bullshit is that?

I'm still going to go see the new computer animated movie though, because really, the best parts of the recent ones are the parts without any people.

Fun Fake Word of the Day

The Fun Fake Word of the Day is:

dragonologists

See a poorly written article to see it used in a sentence

A trip down Nerd Street

This movie was pretty good, not super awesome, but good. The CGI Hulk was fair, but showed emotion and seemed alive (this is a feat). And, as George Lucas once said (and I swear he said this in the eighties when Return of the Jedi came out on VHS) - a movie w/ special effects and no story is going to suck. I'm paraphrasing because I was 13 when he said it. Anywhoo...

Superhero movies are a tough nut to crack, when they're good, they are very good. Movies such as Ironman, Batman, Batman Begins and X Men 2.

When they are bad, holy shit are they bad. I refer to both Fantastic Four movies, The Punisher (Dolf Lundgren version), The Punisher (Thomas Jane version), the upcoming Punisher: War Zone (that guy from Rome version), Spawn, X Men 3, Superman Returns, Daredevil, Electra, and finally Spiderman 3.

The list of shit Superhero movies far outweighs the list of good ones. I'm sure that it has to do with the movie makers only having a passing acquaintance with the source material (I just read that sentence I sound like an AICN douche...Jesus).

Allegedly Edward Norton and the Director McFrenchie McTransporter guy wanted a longer version of the movie. It's anyone's guess whether the additional minutes are quality or if they suck. We'll probably find out when the 2 Disk DVD is released.

On the whole, as far a Hulk movies go, it's a pretty good one. Though I'm interested in the fact that no one seems to take advantage of the thematic similarities between Bruce Banner/Hulk and Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde. The difference between the two is "I've got a monster inside me" and "I've got a FUCKING monster inside me". For some reason the latter is far more interesting (to me). The Hulk by itself is boring, Banner by himself is also boring. Bruce Banner terrified of the Hulk, not just turning into the Hulk, is exciting and more of an emotional struggle. As it played out in this movie, it seemed that he was a guy trying to cure the common cold. It wasn't as life or death as it could have been, which is where the movie fell flat.

On the upside, it's got Liv Tyler in it and she's hot. Also, it follows the "New Superhero Movie Formula" where the Superhero fights a bigger, badder version of said Superhero.

Root Beer Floats

If you want to turn your awesome level up a couple of notches and at the same time revisit your childhood then I recommend to you - sirs and/or madams - the fine treat known as the root beer float.

Seriously.

Make yourself one posthaste.










You can thank me later.