What is THE greatest movie robot since Johnny Number Five?

Wall E. Yeah. Holy sheet, man. Also, Jeff Garlin is the best voice of a cruise ship captain from the future.

Anyone who says "what about R2D2?" has not seen "The Phantom Menace".

Anyone who says "Robbie the Robot from Forbidden Planet" might have a point, but I'm all caught up in Wall E right now and can't be bothered with Robbie the Robot.

What is THE greatest rock song in the history of Rock and Roll?

Easy. THE greatest rock song in the history of rock and roll is , hands down, Foreigner's "Juke Box Hero". Yeah. That's right.

Now most of the people who read this are my age - these are the people whose knee jerk reaction is to say some bullshit from Guns and Roses. Anyone who says this is wrong. Guns and Roses is a good band - no, that's not true - there are good parts to the band of Guns and Roses. Slash, sure. Matt Sorem, sure (but only for his involvement with The Cult). But they never produced a song as awesome as Juke Box Hero.

Yeah. Suck it.

Also, the 2nd best is "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats. But I'm open to debate on this one. I just like that song. Mostly because I misspell "safety" every time the song comes to that part.

rant.

Really?

What was wrong with the original? Admittedly there was less Keanu...but still...

If anything is to be learned from movies in the last ten years it's that effects don't make the movie and this movie looks like it's going to be pretty effects heavy. Now, effects are rad when used sparingly and serve the story (I'm looking at you, CGI baby in Children of Men...and if I just clued you in that the baby was fake then my point has been made) but when they're done for the hell of it...it just feels empty (Star Wars Episode One).

Science Fiction remakes tend to suck balls (Gojira, I mean 1998s Godzilla). But then again when they don't suck balls, they are pretty awesome (John Carpenter's The Thing). So it's a toss up.

The point of this goes further than the effects, but it's the storytelling. For reference I suggest putting the Twilight Zone (season's 1-4), the Tom Baker era of Doctor Who, Forbidden Planet and The Thing from Another World into your Netflix queue. They are all great stories that are light on effects (they were expensive and didn't go much further than hiring a guy to paint a 'martian looking' backdrop) and heavy on story - instead of the other way around. The story unraveled like you were watching it on stage, slow, methodical and ultimately more satisfying.

Who am I kidding, I'll go see it, but I won't enjoy it - at least not if I have anything to say about it.

Take THAT England

Ah, Independence Day. Good times. The anniversary of the day America doffed our caps, loaded our muskets and said a big "no thank you" to England. Though I believe that this message was delivered with messenger-bullets, but that's just how say that we want to see other people (take THAT, England). Apparently there was also some business with tea and white people masquerading as Indians. I never really understood the point of the tea business but I am certain that like all defiant acts committed during a revolution, it probably seemed like a good idea at the time (take THAT, England...sorry for the racism Indians...).

The Forth of July is the anniversary of the day that our pasty faced and powdered wigged forefathers made a solemn oath to never live under an oppressive king-like ruler (unless we're fighting terror). I believe that the decision also made to appropriate good British TV shows and turn them into bad-but-sometimes-ok American TV shows (take THAT, England). Also, they decided that this would be the day that we came together as a nation to blow shit up that's not another country (we can do that on any day and don't need an occasion/reason to do it). Why? Because we're America that's why so fuck you for even asking.

So, I will spend the day simultaneously giving England the bird while watching reruns of Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America, failing to understand the appeal of soccer and maybe reading Jeeves and Wooster.

Take THAT, England.